today…well, today did not start off very well for me. i had a huge, terrifying, anxiety attack while walking up to my cafe job. i hid in a corner and frantically phoned my mom over and over until she picked up (she was finishing her bus route), and she talked to me while i cried and walked in the rain and walked away from my job and until finally i felt better and i sat under the cambie bridge like a troll. i texted altaira, and she phoned me, for which i’m also so grateful. even though the anxiety is gone i still feel a lingering sense of shame, of failing to do something that needed to be done, but that will fade, i think.
today i’m sending out so much love to the people who love me–because i’m lucky, i have not just one or two people to phone in a bad time, i have six or seven, and that is a god damn gift. i am incredibly lucky to have such good people in my life, to not feel scared and anxious and alone. holy cats, am i ever grateful.