i know that cat lady olympics not a thing, but it should be, because i would medal.
- ending a date by saying “i’d rather go home and hang out with my cats. they need me”, and you mean it: YES
- everything you own constantly covered in cat hair, no matter how often you lint-roll/snags in tights & sweaters: YES
- fall asleep curled up in a ball with your cats: YES
- photos of my cats on your phone, that you sometimes show off to people you’ve just met: YES
- telling your mom that your will happily be a cat lady instead of having romantic relationships, and having her talk about her ‘grandkitties’: YES
- somehow getting a scratch on your eye while you’re sleeping and have to go to the hospital and talk about how your cat scratched your eye while you were asleep and no it is not a random cat from the street: YES YES YES
this is what happened:
i was just hanging out, sleeping (my usual activity at three am), when suddenly i woke up in a lot of pain. my right eye hurt! what the fuck! it was so intense that i was suddenly crying, a lot. i realised it wasn’t going away, so i went to the bathroom and as soon as my eyes adjusted, noticed there was a huge scratch below my eye. my eye itself didn’t feel great, so i pulled my lower eyelid away and saw a lot of redness and A SMALL FLAP OF MY EYE HANGING THERE. i have no idea how/why my cat would’ve scratched my eye! i don’t know which one did it, but i’m assuming it was pepin because he is really bad.
soooo i just hung out and cried a bit more, because i wanted to phone my mom and knew she would be ok with it because she’s an awesome mom, but didn’t really want to wake her up in the middle of the night for something i was capable of handling on my own. it was the tipping point on a lot of bad feelings that have been building up so i had a mini-meltdown, which felt great, and then phoned into the nurse hotline. of course, i got advised to head to the emergency room.
off i went, because who doesn’t like a little 3.30 am cab ride? i love how the air is slightly warm at that time of night, and the city is really quiet (except for the prostitutes trying to flag down the cab…) and it’s a beautiful time to see the city.
luckily for me (?) an eye injury granted me the FAST TRACK through the emergency room. i literally got to follow signs saying ‘fast track’. and then a cute young doctor came and talked to me, asked about crossword puzzles (i brought a book of them with me to do while i waited) and advised me to get rid of this cat that is obviously a psycho.
i headed home and slept for a couple hours, then got up to make an appointment at the ophthalmologist (although i really want to call her an “ornithologist” which is totally not the same thing). got my eye prodded & pupils dilated (having one’s eyes numbed is a strange feeling). turns out the scratch is really superficial and i didn’t need eye-stitches or anything of the sort! i am very lucky that the topmost scratch just missed my cornea, otherwise i’d be in a world of pain and eye problems. and sweetraptorjesus was it ever bright when i went outside with my super-dilated pupils!! it was nearly torturous, but i made it home and lived to tell the tale.
and now i get the difficult task of staying away from makeup, contacts, and heavy lifting for the 7-10 days. this is really strange, but as soon as i realised i was injured i got really mad and thought THIS IS REALLY GOING TO MESS UP MY TRAINING SCHEDULE. training schedule? where the fuck did that come from? it’s not like i’m prepping for an event or anything…!