coming out to my mom (twice!)

generally, coming out to one’s parent is kind of a big deal and i have been fortunate enough to have my mom forget about the first time i admitted my homoerotic tendencies.  when i was younger, my mom asked me a few times about my feelings for ladies, even saying “i hear there are pictures of you kissing a girl on the internet” , which was most definitely in reference to this:

me & mal get all naked

to be fair, malloreigh and i never kiss, even though the set is called ‘bubble kiss’.  we did cavort nakedly,  which is very nearly the same thing.

BUT, I DIGRESS.  my mom asked me about my sexual orientation for years, then i got married and what a god damn relief that was!  no longer was my potential gayness something to discuss.

fast forward four years, and i am no longer with someone who acts as a beard (not  as a primary function, but dodging question’s about one’s sexual orientation is a great byproduct of hetero marriage) and my mom starts back up.  her first line of questioning was whether malloreigh & i were dating: the answer was no, but i guess it was a plausible first step.

a couple other times in the summer, my mom asked me leading questions about my sexuality with (as far as i know) a lack of evidence of my homosexual behaviours, and i wasn’t ready to come out to her yet, so i kept giving vague answers.  finally, she asked me directly: “do you like girls?” and i said “yes”.  and it was that easy.  she accepted it, didn’t say anything negative, just “so that’s why you got so mad at me when you were twelve”*

since this went so smoothly, i told her about a disastrous foray into lady-dating i experienced this autumn.   we’ve discussed the situation a couple times, even.  so it boggles my mind that we had this conversation last week:

mom: i saw on tv that there are a few different types of gay haircut!   yours is one of them

me: yes, and my last haircut was a gay haircut too.

mom: maybe that’s why all the girls hit on you.

me: also because i want them to hit on me!

mom (in this vindicated tone of voice): so that’s why you got so mad when you were twelve! i knew it all along!


coming out to my mom was stressful enough the first time! why did she have to go and forget/force me into telling her again?  maybe she’s in denial, even though she got all ‘cool mom’ about it and didn’t judge and gave me that sweet mom spiel “i’ll love you no matter what”.  maybe by the third time she will accept it for real.

*wherein she asked me in a very serious way, “do you like boys?” and i said “no”.  then, “do you like girls?” and i got stormy and teenage about it, although we have very different interpretations of this event.  i got mad because i was at the awkward age where i didn’t want to discuss dating anyone with my mom, and besides i hadn’t even thought of a girl in that way.  she has always felt the conversation pointed to my gayness, and perhaps she has been waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.   but now i am 27 and queer, so she wasn’t wrong in suspecting, but she was wrong about the point of the conversation.


3 thoughts on “coming out to my mom (twice!)

  1. oh dear! third time’s the charm?

    (and she brings up the same story each time! that is priceless.)

    perhaps if you are in a relationship with a girl, not only dating, she will finally get it? i don’t know.

    (even though i have expressed to my own mother many times that a person’s gender expression or their sexual identity has no bearing on whether or not i am attracted to them, i don’t think this has really sunk in for her, and since i have only been in long-term relationships with menfolk, i think that she finds it irrelevant that i say i am not heterosexual…)

    1. hah, yeah! she’s a real card!

      maybe your mom would be the same, if you brought home a lady and said ‘this is the person i love’ she’d take it differently than you stating ‘i’m not heterosexual’. like, moms, get with it! we are nearing 30, it’s a little late for us to be doing rebellious things like being bisexual-for-show.

  2. yes, i think it would have to be actually happening! because being in a relationship with a dude and saying such things, means she cancels whatever i say out 😉

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